This is a little less wedding planning and a little more engagement survival. I want to be clear that engagement, and marriage for that matter, is not always pretty and it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. It can be hard, it can test you, and if you aren’t careful it could break you. It is also however, an overall beautiful thing that should be cherished and enjoyed. Constantly remind yourselves of your love for each other and the reason for the planning and stress – you are coming together as one, and at the end of your wedding day that’s all that matters. (You should probably know now – don’t expect your male counterpart to do a whole lot of the planning with you. It’s a girl thing. But do try to include him as much as possible, and if you really want him to go with you somewhere to do something wedding related, tell him so.)
The longer your engagement, the more issues you may run into (just a gander really, seeing as mine was 6 months long). At first everything was great. We were very happy and excited about planning our wedding. But it very soon occurred to me that there was no “we” in planning… My fiance was indifferent, unexcitable, and at the worst irritable. If I so much as asked him a question related to the wedding he would get angry at me and impatient. My excitement for the wedding was hard to keep up, and my self esteem was pretty low too. We fought. Quite a bit, and way more than usual. I was under an unimaginable amount of stress (being a full time college student, working 25 hours a week, and planning my own wedding…) and my being stressed made him stressed. Especially after a long day at work for him. And all the fighting and tension between us left me feeling like crying and just clamming up.
There came a time where I was nearing rock bottom. I had no one to turn to that would genuinely listen or understand my position. I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I should call this off. This isn’t right.” For days I worked up the courage to tell Andy it was off, we weren’t getting married. I felt as though I was getting no support from Andy; not just physically, but emotionally as well. And there were days where I questioned if he even still wanted to marry me. We had a few heart-to-heart talks, and things would improve for a few days, but I always ended up back there. I even straight up asked him if he loved me and if he wanted this wedding. I know now that I hurt him by doing so, but I was desperate.
I literally cried out to God. Not just in quiet prayer, but literally spoke out and asked Him, “Is this what you have meant for us?” and “Am I doing what you have planned for me to do? Am I doing the right thing?” I told God I needed to know, I needed assurance, because I don’t believe in divorce and I was facing a very scary situation. I asked him to show me what He has planned, to give me the courage and the strength to do whatever was right. I cried out on more than one occasion, and probably more than two or three occasions. I started to notice that when I did, I felt a sense of peace. And soon I was noticing a change in Andy’s behavior as well (praying for your spouse is important, and I will elaborate more on this in the future). Andy even began to reassure me that it would be okay, and that after the wedding all the stress would be gone and we would be just fine.
Then I knew. I heard a voice inside my head that told me, “Trust the Lord in this. Place this in His hands and let Him do it.” So I did. Our engagement not only strengthened Andy and I’s relationship and marriage, but it also taught me how to trust in God and in His plan. This was something I had struggled with in my walk with Christ, and He used such an important time in my life to teach me. Learning to trust in God was the most important thing I learned through our entire engagement, and it has helped me tremendously in my everyday life.
You know in Sunday school and High School groups they always told us to “Trust in the Lord” and “Take your biggest problem or worry and place it in God’s hands”? That is some of the greatest advice you can receive, and I’m telling you it again here. Trust Him. He really does know what is best for our lives and He really does have our best interests in mind. A Christ centered marriage (and family) is such an amazing, rewarding, and beautiful thing. I’m by no means saying we’re perfect, because clearly we’re not. But we are working toward that goal, and with the help of the Lord and by placing our trust in Him, I know He’ll lead us there. I have faith.
So in this precious time of your life, remember to pray. Give thanks, pray for your fiance, pray for guidance and strength, and pray for your upcoming marriage. Place your wedding and engagement in His hands, and I promise you won’t be disappointed. “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)